Uncomfortably Numb

At the brink of consciousness,

I watch myself from above and within,

Longing to escape the subtle torment,

Forgotten is the freedom of just being,

Like a parent who has no recollection of life before child,

Now independence of heart and mind overshadowed.

I'm here and also not,

Everyone can tell but we pretend it's not so,

I steal from past humor and former joy,

Quenching the tension,

Masks and distractions fill only tiny voids,

For brief moments the focus returns,

Power and energy rush in like a desert flood,

Only to disappear into reality,

Similar to awakening from a dream.

They say comparison is the thief of all joy,

But I tell you the truth,

In the shadow of numbness joy is not even a word,

There's a veil, a covering, a sticky cloth that refuses to make way.

Flashes of light show its layers are thin, even penetrable,

Maybe it's a weight I can lift,

Maybe someone can help remove it,

For now I wait,

For a time, it is my burden,

It is my friend who reminds me of the change I must endure,

To have the new the old must be scattered,

To be new is to walk onward,

Such a miraculous day when a lack of pain goes unnoticed.